Why is it Hard to Make Friends as an Adult?
By: Phuong Nguyen
Most people feel lonelier the older they become. There is a big difference between “lonely” and “alone.” Being lonely is a feeling and belief that you are by yourself, and no one is there for you. Being alone is the physical state of being by yourself in a space. Many people feel lonely and lost even when they live in a big city with millions of people. Meanwhile, some people feel content when they live alone in rural areas.
Making friends during school and adulthood is very different.
When we were in school, we made friends more freely since we had more time to get to know people we met. We had time to hang out at the malls or during after-school activities, or at each other’s houses to talk for hours about what we planned to do without any worries. However, a lot of friendships break apart when people graduate from high school and move on with their lives. The circle of friends of college students will be different from the circle of friends of folks who choose to immediately enter the labor workforce. The circle of friends who choose to be mothers and married will be different from the circle of friends of folks who choose to stay single and develop their careers. Most of the time, we reach out to make friends because we need something from our friends. We need comfort, we want good times, we want sympathy. We tend to seek people with the same backgrounds and lifestyles. Once our friends grow out of those lifestyles, we tend to seek friends from elsewhere. Friendships like that become more conditional and unstable. Some people decide not to have any friends in general because of the lack of trust and fear of vulnerability.
Different actions, different results.
If we reach out to our friends from a different standpoint, the results might be different. Instead of seeking comfort, you can try bringing someone comfort. Instead of seeking good times, you can try bringing someone good times. And those things do not require a lot of time or money. You can simply reach out by texting or a short phone call or a brief cafe meet-up or a small dinner get-together. We are all busy in our lives. We all feel lonely and hopeless at some points because of all the pressures and requirements that society puts on our shoulders. It makes a great difference when we reach out to a friend to see if he/she is doing okay and give him/her some advice and exchange knowledge. Knowledge does not only come from schools or the internet, it comes straight from our daily life lessons. Friendships built during early years of life take time, so do friendships in adulthood. We all need to spend time getting to know each other.
Adult Friendships.
Adulthood friendships might stay longer because most people understand more about life. We realize we are not perfect, and we are all trying to become better people. We become more tolerant towards others. We all struggle with things in our lives, all of us! That is what makes adulthood friendships so important. The reason why they said “It takes a whole village to raise a child” is that a person will not develop and grow normally without the support of a community, no matter what age.
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